


5 times someone flirted with Hamid, and 1 time they didn't

by Aces_and_Roses



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Fluff, M/M, when Alex makes me sad I write something happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 20:58:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19731664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aces_and_Roses/pseuds/Aces_and_Roses
Summary: Hamid is an attractive man. Zolf was well aware of this - and honestly, who wouldn't be - but it doesn't make it any less annoying when people just won't stop flirting with him (even if Zolf can't exactly blame them).





	5 times someone flirted with Hamid, and 1 time they didn't

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this like three months ago and then promptly forgot about it, but the most recent episode made me sad, so I dug it back out.

**1.**

Hamid is an attractive man. Zolf was well aware of this - honestly, who wouldn’t be - but that didn't make it any less annoying when it resulted in Hamid occupying all of someone's attention, to the exclusion of all else (including, for example, the aftermath of the explosion that happened at most an hour ago. The building was still on smouldering for gods' sake). This time, it was a young woman - Annabelle, she had said her name was - who was somehow completely oblivious to, you know, the immense amount of smoking wreckage strewn all around. Instead, her eyes were locked on Hamid, eyelashes fluttering so often that she was beginning to look ridiculous, as she spoke in what she must have thought was a flirtatious tone, but really sounded more like she was squeaking. Worse still, Hamid appeared to be flirting back, which honestly wouldn't bother Zolf (why would it, they'd only just met) if it wasn't so astoundingly unprofessional (they had been hired as security, and now the building they were supposed to keep safe was falling to pieces behind them; this was not the time to be trying to score a date!).

She was leaning on Hamid, draping herself over him to the point that if she wasn't also a halfling he probably would have been crushed by now, trying to lean in and whisper something to him. As it was, he was practically holding her up, somehow looking completely unbothered by how absurd her behaviour was. Somewhat the opposite, in fact, he was smiling at her, charm positively dripping from his entire person, laughing along after she said something which Zolf had to assume was a joke (honestly, people _died_ , this wasn’t the time). As Zolf watched, Hamid leaned in and whispered something in her ear, making her giggle. Zolf huffed out a sigh, annoyance settling in his gut like a stone.

Zolf found himself moving a bit closer, just close enough to hear their conversation, absently (just because, you know, Hamid was his employee now, wasn’t he? Zolf had to make sure he wasn’t… saying anything he shouldn’t be, or something. That was the only reason).

“... and you were so… so heroic! With your… everything!” Zolf had to suppress a chuckle at that, hearing her flounder through generic compliments when she clearly hadn’t even been _near_ the building during the explosion.

“Why thank you!” Zolf could hear Hamid stifling down a laugh of his own as he spoke. “I certainly tried to be.”

Zolf shook his head sharply, moving away to see if there were any more injuries that needed tending to. It really wasn't his business anyway.

When finally Zolf went over to interrupt them fifteen minutes later, it was only because he’d finally lost patience with the entire situation’s lack of professionalism, nothing more (and if he felt an odd, pleased warmth when Hamid extricated himself from her without any hesitation, well, that didn’t mean anything).

* * *

**2.**

The two old women were absolutely enamoured with Hamid and Zolf, fawning over both of them with delighted squeals and laughter. Hamid seemed to be in his element, maybe even actually _enjoying_ it to some extent (or at the very least, he was incredibly good at pretending he was); he was practically preening under the attention.

Zolf, on the other hand, rarely liked people touching him at the best of times (and even then, only people that he trusted), so two women he didn’t really know pawing at him was a special kind of torture. He honestly couldn’t help but be a little jealous of how smooth Hamid was at that moment, the complete opposite of Zolf’s uncomfortable floundering.

(It didn’t help that Zolf was a bit worried that, if he said something wrong, they would lose their opportunity to take a car to Calais. Sasha’s heart seemed absolutely set on it, and he really didn’t want to be the reason that she didn’t get what she wanted. The increased chances of being able to win his bet with Bertie were an added bonus as well.)

Hamid seemed perfectly content and comfortable and was probably the only reason that the women were even considering helping them out. One of them pinched Hamid's cheek and the other ruffled his hair, but the smile on his face didn't waver for a second. It was impressive, really. Every time one of them reached for Zolf's arm, or tried to touch his beard, he felt himself flinch away.

As Zolf watched Hamid work his magic (and not even literal magic for once), Hamid glanced over at him and smiled, and Zolf was powerless to do anything but smile back (and stubbornly ignore the flutter in his chest that insisted he wasn’t simply envious of Hamid’s easy charm).

* * *

**3.**

This secretary was really getting on Zolf’s nerves. It wasn’t that she was being particularly rude, or stubborn (in fact, she was actually being very helpful). Something about her, however, was grating on him.

He had to admit it was possible that it was less about her, and more about Hamid. Or in particular, the way that Hamid was acting toward her. Zolf shouldn’t be annoyed; it wasn’t as though he and Hamid were anything other than friends but… Zolf was self-aware enough to realize that his affection for Hamid went beyond the strictly friendly. That didn’t mean he had any right to be jealous (even if Hamid knew about his feelings, Zolf knew he wouldn’t return them. Why would he, when he had so many people fawning all over him?).

At the moment, Hamid was leaning on the desk, trying his level best to charm her into giving them what they wanted. And while that particular objective didn’t seem to be succeeding (though not by any fault of Hamid’s), she definitely wasn’t unaffected by him. Honestly, Zolf didn’t think anyone could remain completely unaffected with the full force of Hamid’s charm directed at them (he certainly didn’t think he could, not that it mattered).

Watching them was infuriating, and Zolf was sorely tempted to just leave and let Hamid handle it; walk right out of L’Arc d’Ordinateur and not stop until he got back to the hotel. He probably would have, if Hamid hadn’t (finally) finished the conversation, looking immensely pleased with himself as he returned to the rest of the group.

Zolf wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t. The flash of _something_ he felt when he heard that Hamid had scheduled a date with her had nothing to do with jealousy. Because he wasn’t jealous. Not at all.

(Why would he be, when he knew he’d never stood a chance?)

* * *

**4.**

This guy was a creep. Zolf had had an inkling from the moment that he saw him, and was absolutely certain by the time the guy leaned against the wall near where Hamid was standing, inserting himself into Hamid’s personal space in a way that he was clearly uncomfortable with (which meant he must have been extremely uncomfortable, given how good of an actor he usually was).

Zolf watched as Hamid backed away slightly, trying to make some space between them, only for the creep to step forward shortly after. However, despite his discomfort, Hamid pasted a smile on his face (maybe trying to charm the guy into leaving him alone?) but given the way that the guy only leaned further into Hamid’s space, it didn’t seem to be working.

Zolf considered going over to intervene. On one hand, Hamid was uncomfortable (that much was obvious), and that guy was giving Zolf a bad feeling. On the other, he wasn’t sure if Hamid would appreciate it ( _‘I can take care of myself, Zolf.’_ ). Before he could decide, however, he saw Hamid glance around, his eyes landing on Zolf. He tipped his head slightly, a silent plea for Zolf to come over, so Zolf did (without hesitation). As he approached, Zolf could hear some of what the guy was saying, which mostly boiled down to calling Hamid ‘small’ and ‘adorable’ in ways that ranged from harmlessly flirtatious to downright threatening.

“Everything okay over here?” The creep, who evidently hadn’t seen Zolf coming, nearly jumped out of his skin. He whipped his head around to glare daggers at Zolf.

“Bugger off. Can’t you see Harold-” Hamid winced- “and I are having a conversation?”

Before Zolf could say anything, Hamid chimed in, “Oh, Jacob, no need for that. This is my-” a series of expressions flitted rapidly across Hamid’s face, then he looked to Zolf apologetically- “boyfriend, Zolf.”

Zolf’s heart may have stopped, just for a moment, but that was just because he was surprised (nothing else, of course not, why would there be any other reason?).

The creep - Jacob - rolled his eyes. "You can't be serious." He gave Zolf a look of disgust, not even trying to be subtle about it, his mouth arranged in a sneer as he continued, "You're with him?"

Hamid leaned over to Zolf, reaching out to lightly hold onto Zolf's elbow. "I don't think I quite understand what you mean. Of course, I'm serious." Hamid smiled disarmingly, the very picture of sincerity.

Jacob snorted. “Oh, come on, you know you can do much better than that.” He gave Hamid a look that he was obviously hoping came across as sultry, but really just seemed like he was leering at him. Hamid gripped Zolf’s arm a bit more tightly, a look of anger momentarily on his face.

“I disagree, and I don’t appreciate you insulting him.” Hamid’s voice sounded tense, and he turned to look at Zolf. “I think it’s time for us to go, isn’t it darling?”

Zolf felt his heart skip a beat at the endearment, but he managed to nod despite it. Hamid smiled at him then (which really wasn’t helping Zolf’s situation), and they moved away, Jacob glaring after them as they went.

Once Jacob was out of sight, Hamid stopped, tugging Zolf to a stop as well (their arms were still linked, which Zolf was very carefully not thinking about). He was chewing on his lip slightly, looking nervous (that wasn’t right, Hamid was never nervous, or at least he rarely showed it).

“Sorry about that, I just- he wasn’t leaving me alone, and I couldn’t think of anything else to do. Short of throwing a fireball, anyway.” Hamid was smiling, still tense, like he thought that Zolf would be mad about it.

“From what I heard him saying, he might have even deserved it.” Hamid laughed suddenly, surprised. Zolf put his hand on top of Hamid’s, where it still held onto his elbow. “It’s fine, Hamid. I’m glad I could help.”

“Thanks, Zolf.”

“Anytime.”

* * *

**5.**

Turns out, people didn’t magically stop flirting with someone just because they got into a relationship. Gods, sometimes they didn’t even stop when said person made it clear that they were in a relationship. Given that, it wasn't unusual for someone to start flirting with Hamid and refuse to stop until he made it very, very clear that he wasn't interested. This was beginning to look like one of those times.

This time it was a young, gnomish man that Zolf hadn’t quite managed to catch the name of, practically glued to Hamid’s side as they escorted him away from the remnants of the flooded building. He repeatedly thanked Hamid for saving his life, his attempts to flatter him thoroughly unoriginal and transparent; Hamid hadn’t even been in the room when they had pulled the guy out of the rushing waters. All the while he used his ‘sprained ankle’ (which Zolf knew wasn’t actually sprained, thank you very much), as an excuse to lean practically his entire weight on Hamid.

Still.

He wasn’t... unattractive. He was certainly better-looking than Zolf was. And he probably didn’t have much in the way of emotional or psychological trauma that would make him wake up screaming in the middle of the night.

He’d probably be better for Hamid. And damn if that didn’t hurt to think about, an ache in Zolf’s chest that grew steadily as he watched the gnome drape himself all over Hamid.

Hamid, for his part, looked suitably uncomfortable with how much the gnome was touching him, tensing more as he buried his face in Hamid's neck. He looked around slightly desperately until his eyes landed on Zolf and he mouthed what was unmistakably _‘Help me’_ (even if Zolf’s lip-reading skills were nowhere near Sasha’s).

Zolf was by his side in an instant, and his discomfort with the situation must have been obvious, because Hamid immediately reached out to put a hand on his bicep, squeezing lightly. “Ah, Zolf, did you _need me for something_?" The emphasis Hamid put on the end of the sentence was so obvious that, if the gnome hadn't been so preoccupied with whatever he was doing (which at the moment appeared to be smelling Hamid's neck, which was just weird), Zolf was sure he would have cottoned on immediately. As it was, however, he seemed entirely oblivious (Zolf knew that Hamid had a nice smell, had seen him apply cologne often enough to know why, but seriously, they had all just waded through _corpse water_ , he couldn’t smell _that_ good).

“Uh, yes, Sasha needs you for… something. Over there.” Zolf gestured vaguely in Sasha’s direction (gods he might be the most awkward person on the planet, he could barely even bail his partner out of an uncomfortable situation).

Nevertheless, Hamid looked relieved, extracting himself from the gnome’s grasp, murmuring some polite excuses to him, before following Zolf away.

Zolf could practically feel the gnome’s eyes on them as they walked, glaring daggers at him, and while he wasn’t usually one for public displays of affection, he couldn’t resist tugging Hamid a little closer and planting a kiss on his temple. Hamid seemed momentarily startled, then leaned closer and put his arm around Zolf’s waist.

“What was that for?”

“Ah, well, that guy was practically on top of you, and I just…” He trailed off, unsure how much more he could say without sounding like an idiot.

Hamid gasped overdramatically, his free hand coming to rest on his chest. “Zolf, were you _jealous_?”

Zolf shrugged lightly, trying to seem nonchalant. He didn’t succeed though, if Hamid’s abrupt sobering up was any indication. “You know you have nothing to worry about, right?” When Zolf didn’t answer right away, Hamid slowed them both to a stop, moving to stand face to face with him. He reached for Zolf’s hands slowly, giving him plenty of time to pull away if he wanted (he didn’t want to), then held them both in his own. “I love you, Zolf. Nothing is going to change that.” Hamid squeezed his hands gently, looking so sincere and sweet that Zolf was helpless to do anything but draw him in for a kiss.

Little did Zolf know, Hamid was going to be hard pressed to leave his side for almost a week, constantly whispering endearments and giving small touches, ensuring Zolf couldn’t possibly doubt his feelings (Zolf couldn’t help but think that, if this was the result, maybe he should admit to being jealous more often).

* * *

**+1**

Let it never be said that Zolf was an emotionally perceptive man; he hadn’t even realized that Hamid returned his feelings until Hamid had told him, point-blank (and, if he was honest, still had trouble believing it). However, even the most emotionally dense individual would be able to see just how uncomfortable Hamid looked right then. He kept rocking from foot to foot, wringing his hands, with a very peculiar expression on his face that was an odd mix between annoyed and nervous.

The only problem was, Zolf had no idea why. They had saved the day, _again_ , and had managed to save the lives of around twenty people - as well as the structural integrity of a historical monument - in the process. If anything, Hamid should be ecstatic; this was exactly what he always wanted to do, and they had managed to do it with minimal injuries. Instead, he just looked restless and uncomfortable, and Zolf didn’t know what the issue was.

He was distracted from his thoughts by the man next to him (Kal, he had said his name was), tugging at his sleeve. “You saved my life!” This was the fourth time Kal had repeated that sentiment, though he seemed completely oblivious to his repetition. He grabbed onto Zolf’s arm, holding tightly enough that it felt as though he was trying to keep Zolf in place with that alone. “How could I ever repay you?”

“That’s, uh, that’s really not necessary. It’s my job.” Zolf tried to pull his arm out of Kal’s grip, but Kal either didn’t notice or didn’t care, and didn’t relinquish his hold on Zolf’s arm.

“There must be something. I’ll do anything!” Zolf tugged at his arm again, with no luck. If anything, Kal held on tighter.

“Really, it’s fine. Happy to help.”

“Everything alright over here, love?” Zolf was pretty sure he had never been so thankful to hear Hamid’s voice. Kal, on the other hand, looked oddly disappointed, his bright expression dropping into a slight frown as he (finally) released Zolf’s arm. “Does he need healing?”

“Ah, no, I don’t think so.” (Hamid knew he had already checked everyone as soon as the fight was over, why was he asking?).

“Oh, that’s good. I could use your help then, _darling_.” Hamid emphasized the endearment, which was strange enough on its own. Even more so was the pointed look he gave Kal immediately after. Nevertheless, Zolf let Hamid take hold of his elbow to guide him away (in the same place Kal had been holding onto him, though this was much more enjoyable), leaving Kal looking weirdly dejected behind them.

Once they’d rounded a corner, out of sight of the crowds gathered around the miraculously still-standing monument, Hamid trailed his fingers down Zolf’s arm until he could intertwine their fingers, finally slowing from the near jog he had been pulling Zolf along at to a complete stop. Looking at him now, Hamid looked agitated in a way Zolf had never seen him look before. “Are you okay?” Zolf asked.

Hamid shifted from foot to foot, looking up at Zolf. “I’m fine, it’s just… That guy was flirting with you.”

“He, no, he- what?” Hamid gave him a look that seemed to say _‘Seriously, Zolf?’_ (in hindsight, that made a lot more sense than the other possibilities, it just hadn’t occurred to Zolf that someone would be flirting with _him_. That was much more Hamid’s thing).

Hamid shook his head slightly, giving Zolf a look of fond exasperation, then used his free hand to grab the front of Zolf’s shirt and pull him down for a kiss (the kind that always made Zolf lose his breath, though a lot of what Hamid did had that effect on him). When he finally pulled away, Zolf felt more than a bit dazed.

“What was that for?”

“Do you really think you’re the only one who gets jealous?” Hamid let go of Zolf’s hand, going up onto his tiptoes to wrap his arms around Zolf’s neck, kissing him soundly once more.

Zolf could have sworn he heard Hamid murmur _‘Mine’_ against his lips. He hadn’t taken Hamid to be the possessive type but, well, he wasn’t opposed. Especially not if this was what it got him.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all can find me at redactedquill on tumblr


End file.
